Chelsea Jones on Divorce, Single Parenting, and Cancer as a Business Owner

Audrey Saccone:

Chelsea [Jones] has seen the digital marketing industry evolve since Facebook ads were introduced. After graduating from Pepperdine University with a degree in design, she cut her teeth at some of the top ad agencies in the Los Angeles area. This allowed Chelsea to get a better feel for what larger companies were looking for in their designs and what they were missing out on when they weren't getting the attention they needed. Going on to found Chelsea and Rachel Co. Chelsea specializes in creating sleek and effective websites with a user experience that's appealing to the eye and psychologically designed to convert sales… and a lot of them. Chelsea, welcome to the show.

Chelsea Jones:

Thank you so much, Audrey. It's so great to be here.

Audrey Saccone:

So we are new friends and our mutual friend Caitlin introduced us and we've become very fast friends. So, speaking for myself, it's been really great to have another female founder running the same type of agency in my corner so we can bounce ideas off of each other, strategize, and just kind of lend an ear after a shitty day.

Chelsea Jones:

Oh, my goodness. I couldn't agree more. And just a fun personal story. Like the moment I met Audrey, it was like, oh, soul friends. Like, here we go, let's just run with stuff. What else can we talk about and do?

Audrey Saccone:

I mean, literally, we had a call and we just had like a 30-minute intro call and I was going to be in LA the next week, which in Chelsea lives not far from LA. And she was like, let's have a photo shoot together, let's just hang out for the day. And I was like, sure. I think just shows the type of people that we both are.

Chelsea Jones:

I think it's perfect in alignment of like, yeah, okay, let's just do stuff and show the actions on it. And it was so great, it was so wonderful doing a photo shoot with you, and just the conversation and collaboration we got to do and creating content and really thinking through new strategies for this industry has just been so fun.

Audrey Saccone:

Okay, so here on Tough Stuff, we talk about all the things we don't hear about on regular podcasts. Today we're going to talk about divorce, being a single mom, and having cancer all in the span of a very short few years. So, Chelsea, give us the story.

Chelsea Jones:

Well, storytelling is my jam. I have a very unique scenario and story with the way that I've grown from a business owner to just life and tough stuff. So, long story short, I ended up in COVID having to leave suddenly and ended up getting a restraining order from my ex-husband and left with a backpack and my two kids without a thought of divorce at the time or anything regarding of all of that's happened to this point. I just thought I need to get safe, I need to get my kids away and have a breather. And when I did that. It was this moment of like, oh, my goodness, now life has completely taken a left turn. Everything changed in my world and in my space, and at the same time, I'm running a company, and I need to make sure I'm providing for my kids and myself and looking through all this. So that was 2020. It took two years for our divorce to get finalized. It got finalized over a year ago. And then a month after it got finalized, I went into the hospital for what I thought was a stomach ache. I don't know, a stress ulcer or something from everything I've gone through. And all of a sudden, they're rushing me into the hospital for emergency surgery. I'm there for three and a half weeks, and they removed a stage two colon cancer tumor. So cancer was now on top of it after divorce and after all the drama. And I've been like, oh, wow, these kind of things can just lay people out, obviously. And for whatever reason, it's been just like constant wake up calls while I'm looking ahead to be like, okay, what can I do with today? What does this look like as we move forward?

Audrey Saccone:

That's wild. I mean, how did you even know to make that decision for your family? Because I think it's a lot of risk for anybody, but it's especially a lot of risk when you have kids. When you have a business, you've got all these things.

Chelsea Jones:

Yeah, such a good question. First off, I never thought this would be my story or what I ended up with in terms of where things went. I got married young. I thought it was for the rest of my life. I thought this is the whole scenario. And when I realized that I was struggling with not only kind of the safety concerns, but the ultimate stress and concern of what was happening to me physically based on this unhealthy relationship. I was in what my therapist called a trauma bond at the time, because when you can excuse away all the bad behavior and like, maybe it's me, maybe it's this, maybe it's that, and especially when you care about a person and love them, you're trying to figure out what else can you do? In that process I remember a few steps that were really critical of me getting to that point in that decision. One was seeing some more unraveling and unhealthy behavior that started becoming a little more public. One of my neighbors across the street came over concerned for me in the situation that I was in because there was a lot of unhealthy, controlling behavior and even like, video… kind of concerns and different things happening just from a control perspective. But also she saw me walking on eggshells and feeling like I was this lively, bubbly person with her. And then all of a sudden at home, I had to be like this buttoned-up stepford wife structure. And so I didn't honestly see it myself…. I had to have other people kind of pour into me and give me some insight. But I also had to have just kind of that risk factor and faith to just make a decision and stick with the decision and move forward in that. So when I made the decision to actually leave, I didn't think it was for the rest of my life. It became that and now I'm so thankful on the other side. But ultimately I made a decision just one step in front of the other, like, okay, this is not healthy for me right now. What do I need to do today? What do I need to do in this moment to get my kids and I safe to move forward in these ways? And so it was like one little baby step at a time. Just like they say, if you eat an elephant, you need one bite at a time. For me, it was honestly just that, like, am I okay with making a decision on this today? In fact, a crazy story like the day I got a restraining order after getting space and I ended up flying to see my parents in a different state was the same day that he filed papers on me in the other state to start the divorce process. And so if I didn't have that paperwork in place on that day, I would have been pulled to go back, and all of these like… my entire life would be different. So I really believe there was divine intervention and also just leaning into my own gut and intuition of being like, okay, I don't know tomorrow, I don't know things. I'm making this decision right now. I'm following through on this decision. And I'm just… deep breaths, like a yoga person, like going through those motions and then really dived into a lot of healing, coaching, therapy, as much input that I could have professionally so that I can make healthier decisions that I couldn't see for myself was also really important.

Audrey Saccone:

So to set some extra context here, I'm really curious. What was the state of the business for you at that point? Because it's not like you had a normal job. You could just go on leave for… for a couple of weeks. You had a business… had a business partner, which you're I'm sure, very fortunate to have, but what was the state of things?

Chelsea Jones:

Yeah, so my business partner was amazing. We started this together as young moms and grew this to where it was. But at the state of the time, when I left, we were scaling and growing, we had more employees, we had a lot of responsibility and a lot of clients. And ultimately I had to juggle that while all of this. So my business partner helped step in to give me some space to kind of see. But I will say, I think mentally I compartmentalized and I just focused on my business when I was in my business and then I was focusing on my personal stuff when I was dealing with all that, I just got really good at compartmentalizing because in a way, the business was kind of my outlet in abuse. It was where I could be myself, be professional, really do something that had value in the world other than the eggshell walking I kept feeling on. And making sure that while I was doing that, I was showing my kids that I was strong and also could provide for them and make a difference and an impact in a different way.

Audrey Saccone:

And what was that transition like in terms of this big shift in responsibilities and what were your other support systems that you had in place?

Chelsea Jones:

Support systems are key and whenever you go through life's big transitions and changes, I have this sign on my desk that says “Grace and Gratitude”... you have to have a lot of grace for yourself and a lot of gratitude for whatever is giving you support or joy in that moment. I ended up also having to reach out and ask for it when that's not my norm. I'm usually the strong person that comes in to do things for people and it was very humbling to ask for help and to also say, I don't know what's going on and I don't know this process. I really need help and support in this way. So support systems: getting therapy for my kids, getting my parent's help and involved with family support where I could, having friends that I was known in the space just to write letters of support throughout my kind of divorce journey and the drama that that unfolded, those kind of things mattered and made a big difference in the way that I kind of continued in this process, but also just really like, being okay, that your emotions are going to go on crazy roller coasters and you had to really just take a deep breath and keep taking a step forward, and keep taking a step forward. It wasn't like, I'm a visionary person I love to dream big and think of all these things. And it was like, I couldn't do that at this time. I had to be like, what does today look like? What is this? And focus on those things while also juggling the professional arm of like, okay, I'm going to show up my personality and just who I am… I was a bit transparent with my team and with life of like, this is what's going on so that you guys are aware if I need to take some time off or this person steps in or whatnot, like, I need you to just know this is what I'm dealing with. But I'm a survivor and I'm going to come beyond this and we're going to get even stronger because of this. And I think that kind of radical transparency for my team empowered them a little bit more to even step up, which was exciting to see too.

Audrey Saccone:

I love that you did that. And I think so few people are willing to be transparent with their teams about the fact that they're humans and going through human experiences as leaders. I think a lot of people are concerned that it might upset the power balance or any other things. But I'm curious, has it had any other positive or other domino effects on your business since then?

Chelsea Jones:

Oh, good question. I don't know if it's really had a positive effect on my business per se. I think it has for me on my life side, because for me, being transparent was more healing to actually admit something that was so hard to say… like, actually, I'm a survivor of domestic violence… when I didn't think I was even in that bad of a place because you could always think of people that have it worse to say that out loud and to also tell the team, this is why I've moved from a different state and locations, and it's not affecting your job. But I need you to be aware that this is where I'm coming from…. from a leader it was very humbling and also kind of powerful in its own way. It was like this juxtaposed space of, okay, this is where I'm at, and I'm very good at telling myself stories, I think in part of my survival, healing, kind of in some of that to make it okay and make it better. And I had to face the music of like, this is better kind of thing, or positive, this is the raw stuff, this is the ugly stuff, the hard truth. It was really like defining for me to be like, okay, deep breath… This is my reality and just being real on the reality of it. To me, the thing that also helped me the most in coming through and now on the other side has been really finding the support system you need, having again, grace and gratitude for yourself and all the things, but also doing things like self care conversations. Like, I would sometimes just write down what is something that can give me a little bit of hope or joy today? Just one thing or two things? Sometimes it was just like, I'm going to take a bath, or I'm going to just sit on the step and not do anything but cry, or I'm going to just think of a cute outfit, I'm going to buy my kids or do something for myself, like my nails. Or it was like little tiny micro things that gave me more encouragement to keep moving forward. And then my kids, they were my why, they were why I got up every day, they were why I needed to make sure they had food and water, and transportation to school and all the things that I do as a mom. For me, that was more motivating too because it was like, I got to do better. I can't just have them see me, like, all the hurt and the hard. I'm like, no, we can get through hard. We can do tough stuff. What does this look like coming out on the other side too?

Audrey Saccone:

Too yeah, absolutely. I relate to what you're saying in terms of feeling comfortable asking for help. And I'm curious if you've had a similar experience to me in the sense that I'm always so pleasantly surprised and excited by how much people in my life or people on my team are excited to step up and step in when I raise my hand and ask them for help. Has that been an experience you've had as well?

Chelsea Jones:

Absolutely. I think people want to be wanted and needed, and as leaders and as founders, sometimes it's easy for us to hold control of stuff, right? And I think when I had to let go of some things and just be like, look, this is where I'm at. Can you do this? Or what do you think here? And then just genuinely letting go of some of that. Yeah, it's amazing what happens. And seeing people rise up. I mean, fast forward to when the divorce was final, and then I'm in the hospital for cancer. I had more flowers in my cancer room than I ever thought, and it just brought so much joy and tears, even though I was in the depth of ugliness and tough stuff, I was so thankful to see flowers when I opened my eyes from people in my community up here in the industry and different stuff. And I mean, I even had staff members, like, texting me, and it was just really beautiful, because if I wasn't open that this was happening and that was my scenario, that wouldn't have been the case, ya know? And nobody should do it alone. I think that's the big thing.

Audrey Saccone:

I really hear that as such a theme here, is that we don't have to do the hard things alone, and if we're willing to be vulnerable and let the people in our lives in… ya know, it doesn't have to be everybody. You can start with one person, and one person can turn into two, can turn into three to five to ten. It's very freeing to admit that something's going on and that you don't have it together all the time and that it's okay to be going through something.

Chelsea Jones:

Yeah… it’s okay to be going through something. And honestly, most people are. I don't think there's a single person on this earth that isn't dealing with something, right? So if you can have the ability to know some seasons are much harder than others, but they're still just seasons. I think that's the encouragement I had, and I had as hope as I was like, okay, we're going from winter to spring to summer. If you can think of some of these hard stuff in life as seasons and changes it makes it a little bit easier too, because it puts it in perspective.

Audrey Saccone:

Absolutely. So you had a business partner through this whole thing. And I imagine when you got into business together in a partnership, thinking, we're going to split all the things together and life happened. And what were those conversations like? And how did you make each other both feel balanced still, even though the balance there did have to shift?

Chelsea Jones:

I think it just comes back to communication and really being honest about where we're at. And one thing that I was grateful for with my business partner is we always had this internal, like, can we level ourselves up and do things? And when I was down and out, she took over and stepped up to do a lot of things, and then fast forward to the future, and she needed to take time off and be with her family and stuff. So I've stepped up and started doing more. And I think the reality with great business partnerships is it comes back to how you honor one another. I think, too, like being thankful for the journey and what you've gone through, being thankful for their skill sets and what's possible. Because, just like a marriage or anything, there can be things that you can latch onto that are negative or you can focus on the positive. And I'm just so grateful and so honored that I got to have the business partnership that I did and growing to the level that we were and just the freedom of that. And then transitioning a year later after cancer and stuff, she's wanting to do things a little bit differently and spend more time with her family so I've been taking over more of the business, and I think we also came to a really beautiful arrangement on that, and was mutual and making sure it was beneficial for both of us. I will say from a personal standpoint, because of what I went through with the divorce, I dealt with more PTSD a little bit from that. And so one of the growth edges that I've had to do is know myself more and know what am I being triggered about or what can I do to not have a negative scenario, but to be more present and engaging and positive in a change? Because life is about change. It's not a matter like we arrive and it's a process, it's a journey. We have changed throughout our whole life. So how we navigate big transitions, I think really matters because these are the things that we remember right, like big transitions. And those changes are the big, pivotal things that we remember throughout life. So if I can do that in any way, shape or form a little bit better, or encourage somebody else to do the tough stuff and be okay, that big transitions are hard, how we handle them is what matters. And how we honor people in that space too. Even though I'm divorced and could probably have a laundry list of things of challenges on that, I will still actually speak positively about my ex-husband because he's still the father of my kids. Will I have ever a relationship with him or be in proximity? No, never. But I'm so thankful that I have my children and I'm thankful for what he did bring to my life at the time that he did because I wouldn't have had them if that wasn't the case. And I think if you go into life and big transitions with that perspective, still having healthy boundaries, still understanding who you are and wanting to take a step forward but blessing those who have hurt you and blessing the journey that you've been on to get to where you're at now. One, the pain is not as hard because you're able to release it, but two, it also, I think, magnifies more growth and joy that you don't expect or would have experienced otherwise, too.

Audrey Saccone:

I just hear so much great energy from you and I mean, that's just who you are as a person, because I know you. Where does that come from? All of this optimism and positivity and I would say not even in a toxic positivity bad way, like in a genuine you really believe the best is going to happen to all people. And I'm curious how you're able to maintain that in the face of a lot of challenges that you've had so far in your life.

Chelsea Jones:

Honestly, I wouldn't say it's necessarily me. I do believe in divine intervention. I do think that there have been things that are outside of my understanding or control and I have focused a lot on learning myself more and trying to really lean into what brings me joy and what can I help empower with other people? And I think when you know yourself more through really hard and really tough stuff, sometimes there's ugly things that you don't like. There’s certain stuff that in my own life and journey and past and I'm like, oh, I don't like how I showed up to that person or how I acted in that way. And I think when we can do self-reflection and release it, it brings out the best sides of us. And then I think the other big thing I would say in that question is to stay curious. One thing that I'm really, really thankful for on the other side now of divorce and all the stuff that I've been dealing with is like I'm just really curious about every day and who I can talk to today and what difference can I make. And in the moments that are really hard, these kind of things are life giving to me and that's actually a mantra that I say often is what is life-giving and am I doing that today or am I doing that in those circumstances? And trying to make those steps a little bit more in that scenario. But it's really funny because even though I am truly, genuinely thankful and positive as a person, I've also dealt with depression, of course, through all this… and mental swings and anxiety and the stress of all of it. And I think it's okay to recognize that that's what it is, but also don't stay in that. How do we move past and move forward in a flow and energy, like whether it's support or outside input or supplements or medication or whatever we need? I've been thankful to be on that journey and trying to better myself because I want that for my kids and I want that for other people. So I encourage people in that way, too, like, focus on the more that you can bring to the world in a healthier way, the better. It's kind of like when we're on the airplane, they say to put your oxygen mask on first and then your kids. And I think as a like, that wasn't always my standard in the past, and I'm trying to make that more of my standard now so that I can be a better human to those around me. And also like, it impacts, right? That's what matters.

Audrey Saccone:

Absolutely. All right, Chelsea, before we sign off, where can people find you?

Chelsea Jones:

So chelseandrachel.com is my company, and I would love to connect with all of you. You can also email hello@chelseaandrachel.com or find me on Instagram @chelseaandrachelco. And I would love to just connect and see how people are doing. And also, leaning into these stories is such a great joy for me. Thank you.

Audrey Saccone:

All right, well, Chelsea, thank you so much for your time and for sharing your invaluable insights here on Tough Stuff. Listeners, don't forget to share your thoughts on this episode on our latest post at Tough Stuff Pod. And hit that subscribe button to always get the latest episodes in your favorite podcast app. I'll see you next time.